Monday, April 16, 2007
Is Chruch Really Worth It?
It has been difficult over the last 10 years to stay plugged into a faith community. I was a board member in a church plant for several years, I have been on several different worship teams, numerous small groups, and spent time in 2 other new churches for very short periods in lesser roles. I've read more about church growth, planning, and finance than I'd care to admit.
The last 3 years have been a time of transition to something different, learning and investigation faith on a more broad scope. Most of my religious life has been one of compromise as I’ve sought to practice progressive faith in one of the most conservative areas in the world. The reason for the difficult transition is because I finally put a stake in the ground and decided that I would no longer bottle up my thoughts and feelings. I decided to “come out” theologically and place a few more demands on my faith community rather than always accommodating myself to my community. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should just shut up, sing the silly songs, say the awkward words, and not rock the boat. I’m not sure anymore. Maybe it isn't worth it. Football season will be here before you know it and Sunday will once again be a day filled with excitement and emotion.
I may have made my journey sound as if it was more painful than it really was. Actually, I had a blast along the way. My faith journey has enriched my life immensely. I learned so much about faith and collected a beautiful cast of very diverse friendships. It has been a strain at times and I lost some relationships that turned out to more shallow than I once thought, but I would hate to imagine life without these diverse people in my life. Going to new places and meeting new people has always been very hard for me, so a side benefit of this whole process has been I have become more open to these awkward social situations. I can't tell you how many times I have smiled and shook a person's hand while thinking to myself "Damn, that was the most painful hour of my life. I am getting the hell out of here right now!"
I never thought I would consider an Episcopal church, but we have visited two (they really freak me out, so I don't see that as permanent). I can't do the charasmatic thing again because it always makes me feel like any minute Benny Hinn is going to come out and start slapping people in the head. One of the most interesting experiences has been visiting a Unitarian Universalist church. My wife and I both now attend a UU Buddhist class (the first of its kind in our city) and have even been to a few of the UU services. It has its drawbacks just like all the other churches along with a few new problems. I could be comfortable there, but my wife can’t do it. She does connect with the progressive issues and has made most of the theological shifts necessary, but her problems are: (A) She isn’t ready to “come out” to her fundamentalists friends yet so she wants to tell them the name of her church ends with some well know denomination (B) She really likes to sing about God. I can’t blame her. She has friends that would literally try to cast demons out of her if she mentioned UU or Buddhism or maybe even Episcopal! Just like Pavlov’s dog, our Evangelical and Charismatic experiences have forever linked our experience of God with certain types of music and particular words. I understand her issue. I guess an ex-Catholic or ex-Episcopal would feel lost without a sip of wine at every service.
I’m not sure where that leaves us. Soon we will adopt our little girl from China and I want to make some decisions about our faith community in the next couple of years. I don’t want to let my selfish desire to have my cake and eat it too cause problems for my family. I may have to suck it up and take one for the team, but I also don’t want my little girl to learn a bunch of crap that she will have to unlearn when she becomes an adult as I did. Maybe I can sprinkle in enough multi-faith, tolerance, peace and justice based experiences that it won’t be a problem for her. Does anybody out there with kids have any advice for me? Is a consistent faith experience with good kids programs worth the cost of a heavy dose of bad theology and a lifetime of fake smiles? It looks more and more like I'm going to have to choose. Does picking a church have to be like voting for the least undesirable politician?
I may have made my journey sound as if it was more painful than it really was. Actually, I had a blast along the way. My faith journey has enriched my life immensely. I learned so much about faith and collected a beautiful cast of very diverse friendships. It has been a strain at times and I lost some relationships that turned out to more shallow than I once thought, but I would hate to imagine life without these diverse people in my life. Going to new places and meeting new people has always been very hard for me, so a side benefit of this whole process has been I have become more open to these awkward social situations. I can't tell you how many times I have smiled and shook a person's hand while thinking to myself "Damn, that was the most painful hour of my life. I am getting the hell out of here right now!"
I never thought I would consider an Episcopal church, but we have visited two (they really freak me out, so I don't see that as permanent). I can't do the charasmatic thing again because it always makes me feel like any minute Benny Hinn is going to come out and start slapping people in the head. One of the most interesting experiences has been visiting a Unitarian Universalist church. My wife and I both now attend a UU Buddhist class (the first of its kind in our city) and have even been to a few of the UU services. It has its drawbacks just like all the other churches along with a few new problems. I could be comfortable there, but my wife can’t do it. She does connect with the progressive issues and has made most of the theological shifts necessary, but her problems are: (A) She isn’t ready to “come out” to her fundamentalists friends yet so she wants to tell them the name of her church ends with some well know denomination (B) She really likes to sing about God. I can’t blame her. She has friends that would literally try to cast demons out of her if she mentioned UU or Buddhism or maybe even Episcopal! Just like Pavlov’s dog, our Evangelical and Charismatic experiences have forever linked our experience of God with certain types of music and particular words. I understand her issue. I guess an ex-Catholic or ex-Episcopal would feel lost without a sip of wine at every service.
I’m not sure where that leaves us. Soon we will adopt our little girl from China and I want to make some decisions about our faith community in the next couple of years. I don’t want to let my selfish desire to have my cake and eat it too cause problems for my family. I may have to suck it up and take one for the team, but I also don’t want my little girl to learn a bunch of crap that she will have to unlearn when she becomes an adult as I did. Maybe I can sprinkle in enough multi-faith, tolerance, peace and justice based experiences that it won’t be a problem for her. Does anybody out there with kids have any advice for me? Is a consistent faith experience with good kids programs worth the cost of a heavy dose of bad theology and a lifetime of fake smiles? It looks more and more like I'm going to have to choose. Does picking a church have to be like voting for the least undesirable politician?
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10 comments:
Mike,
I know exactly what you mean. You and I have spoken quiet a bit about our theological beliefs and I, like you, have found myself drawn to Buddhism. After years of fundamental teachings I'm finding more "truth" and greater insight to God through the teachings of Buddha. I'm struggling with "coming out" to my family and friends and though my wife, who is probably much less progressive than Veronica, accepts my beliefs and is nonjudgmental (God bless her for that), I do see future struggle with the raising of our children. Like most Christians I've met, she believes that the ONLY way for a soul to find eternal salvation is the acceptance of Jesus Christ as the Messiah.
I don't want to "take one for the team" and just except a doctrine (or pass it along to my children) that a loving God would condemn (throughout history) millions or perhaps billions of human souls to an eternity of torment in hell because they, no matter their culture or belief, won't sit at their table. For me, that just isn’t the image of a true and loving God. A Baptist minister recently summed it all up at Easter service when he looked directly at me and said, "Sir, you are going to spend an eternity in hell if you have not accepted Jesus as your personal savior." Why? Is that really what God is all about? Why do we, as human being, whether Christians, Muslims or most any other religion insist that our path is the only true path to God?
The reason that Buddhism is making more since to me is that it simply is NOT a religion. Sure, over the past couple of centuries, some cultures have certainly transformed the Buddha's teachings into a religion but it is, in essence an education; a way of training your body, your mind and your spirit to eliminate all the false beliefs and behaviors that we have cultivated in our lives so that we can make an informed decision on the most vital question in our lives, namely: who are we, who is God and what is our relationship with “Him?”
Even through the teachings of Buddha, one may discover that Jesus is the path to God but most importantly, Buddhism teaches one to make your decisions based on one's own experience and not through the fear, hammered into us all our lives, that we will burn in hell if we don't follow a Christian’s path.
So, what do I teach my children? I'm sure that my wife will insist that they are raised in the Church, which I don't really have a problem with, as long it is tempered with a certain amount of skepticism and they are taught that it is through their intellect and their innate spirituality that will bring them closer to God. Not their fear.
Hope you are doing well.
Jason
I have hope that Christian faith will evolve to something more enlightened, but it is going to take a great deal of adult "re-education".
Thanks for the comments Jason. It is really good to hear from you.
Mike,
I sense your frustration with finding a place that resonates with you. If you read Gary Dorrien's history of American liberal theology you'll discover that the Unitarians and the Universalists (now together as UU) were the first liberal Christians, but they've gone off in a multitude of directions and no longer consider themselves Christian. I know I've suggested looking at the Disciples, but I sense there's not a congregation of that sort that fits, nor apparently is there a UCC church of like mind.
I do have another option that could work and might work by checking with the Disciple Regional office or the UCC Conference office to see if they would be supportive of a house church plant that would be progressive along the lines of Borg et al. My sense is that you're not alone in your area, but the question is how to find a way to tap into that need.
My prayers are with you.
I totally relate. I have two kids and I often wrestle with how I am to communicate my faith without indoctrinating them? How can I raise them in a church environment without their having to spend the years that I did sorting through all the nonsense. Many of my friends from youth have a complete rejection or ambivalence for God because they were never able to sort through the nonsense.
I think your blog will be a wonderful gift to the spiritual growth of your children. They will be able to trace your wrestlings, and that will be more real than a thousand sermons.
On a Buddhist side note, I highly recommend Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh!
Mike,
Thanks so much for your honesty in this post. As you know, our first child is due in September. This has caused me to more strongly consider the community of faith in which I want to raise my child. Although my path isn't for everyone, I feel confident that God has placed me in an active leadership position to help created that environment, not only as a husband and father (which all husbands and fathers have the responsibility of doing), but also as a church planting pastor. I'm saying this not to discount any other ministries in our city, nor to brag on our own: but one reason we have started "The WELL" is for the shepherding of the spiritual needs of downtown, but also my own family (wife and daughter). We, too, have been challenged over the years regarding church/faith culture, as you have.
I think the American church as a whole is in dire need of major reform. Have you attended worship services in other countries? I have worshiped in Romania, Hungary, and Russia- and let me tell you it's quite an experience!
Our tendency may be to give up on the church all together, however Christ desires His people (the Church) to be His bride. Amazingly God is capable of drawing straight lines with crooked sticks!
Ashamedly, many contemporary Christian organizations title themselves a "church," but indeed do not exist or function as the "Church" of the New Testament. I believe God is stirring the hearts of leaders to bring change: some in organized "churches," others in small groups, faith communities, and many in other countries.
By His grace, may the followers of Christ once again be a revolutionary movement and not a stagnant institution.
Dear Mike (Danutz?),
I don't usually do blogs but someone in Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) forwarded this to me because it's right up my alley. I understand your dilemma and have several things I could recommend (having worked in family ministry for decades). Some are case specific and too much to go into here, but you could check out my website, www.SusanVogt.net. There are a number of articles and resources that might speak to your concerns. I have also written several books that address some of your issues. Contact me if you would like to talk further.
Susan
I can really relate to what you are feeling. It is hard to find a progressive church. The problem I have with UU churches, at least the ones I've attended, is that they have more or less completely jettisoned Christianity from their services. I think if you believe in God, and if you are interested in the Christian tradition, but in a highly progressive way that is not tied to the old creeds and that is more in tune with people like Borg and Crossan--well, churches like that are just really hard to find. In my case so far, I have mostly "settled"--hung out in churches that are mostly progressive but still at little too close to the orthodoxy to be real homes for me. I don't know what part of the world you live in--it sounds like from Pastor Bob's comments you must not have a progressive UCC congregation near you.
Christianity really needs a reformation right now--one where progressives can find a home. I'm still waiting for this to happen.
Interesting thoughts here. I feel like I am following your footsteps here and am on a similiar journey. I attend a very conservative church in which, besides the fellowship, I have nothing in common with. If they knew I was a universalist, I'd be hung. Hopefully, not literally. My wife, on the other hand, does not share my heresy. She is quite content with the fundamentalist surroundings I initially brought her into too. So does my 4 yr old daughter. Those problems your wife has with the UU church is probably the same problems I would have. Thought I have changed and allowed God a little wiggle room outside the small box I place him in. I am still a christian and still follow Jesus. I would love to hear how it goes with your journey. I have a UU church a few miles away, I am tempted to go.
Thanks for the comment JP. I recommend visiting a UU church and starting a dialogue with the minister and others. The UU church here was by far the most welcoming and understanding of any church I've visited. Questions and opinions are welcomed which is not the norm for churches.
Each UU church seems to be very different and you need to go to several services because they are vary from week to week. There is a growing number of people in UU that claim atheism as well as a growing group of "new-agers" and even pagans. That can seem awkward for liberal Christians. It is a mixed bag, but I appreciate that. I went to a Christmas eve service and it was a wonderful mix of the Christian story with a dash of realism.
UU may not provide the church that you want to raise your kids in, but I think it provides a healthy dose of reality once in a while. For me, the jury is still out, but I'm glad I have added this group to my list of "thin places". I'm planning on continuing in their adult education classes. I'm attending 2 classes right now. One is on Buddhism and one is a discussion group about the Jesus Seminar taught by a local university professor. Both topics are dear to my heart. You won't find that at your local Evangelical church!
Study the first Reformation. There were some who were revolutionaries and wanted the church destroyed altogether. Others wanted reform and redemption. For true followers of Christ today, the decision may once again be before us.
It's real easy for us to rally around and do a little "church-bashing." I'm guilty of it, I must admit. However, take some time to read Scripture regarding the Church (bearing in mind the Church is people, not the institution/circus we've created!) Secondly, take some time to reflect on how God has used those experiences (whether or not they were pleasant) to bring you to where you are today. In that, I'm thankful.
Read Revelation: God shuts down churches that are not faithful to what He's purposed. I'm not certain it's our job to do the destroying- He'll take care of that. What I am sure of is the call to be involved in the redeeming of lives: individuals and cultures. God invites and instructs us to labor for the cause of redemption.
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