“We shield our heart with an armor woven out of very old habits of pushing away pain and grasping at pleasure. When we begin to breathe in the pain instead of pushing it away, we begin to open our hearts to what’s unwanted. When we relate directly in this way to the unwanted areas of our lives, the airless room of ego begins to be ventilated. In the same way, we open up or clenched hearts and let the good things go – radiate them out and share them with others – that’s also completely reversing the logic of ego, which is to say, reversing the logic of suffering.” – Pema Chodron

I was taught my whole life to build a wall or fortress of righteousness around me so that I could be protected from the pain, suffering and sinfulness of the world. This works if what you want to achieve is a heart hardened by a heavy protective layer that keeps sin out and compassion in. I've found that this practice feeds ego, individualism, competition and rejection of the world around you.

In the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Tonglen you are taught exactly the opposite approach. You practice breathing in the pain, suffering, and the darkness of those around you and breathing out compassion, kindness, and light. This practice over time is meant to destroy the ego that is the source of our pride. This teaching encourages us to use our practice time to embrace the anger we feel toward a particular annoying co-worker or the pain we realize in a moment of sadness or fear. We should relish those moments as great opportunities to practice and learn. That is something I could definitely use in my life. My typical reaction is to fight off those emotions and miss the chance to learn and show compassion.

I understand the lure of that pop-culture Christian idea that all I need to do is believe the right things and God will fix me and preserve me in the afterlife, but I realize that something is missing from that equation. Christian metaphors will always be home to me and the Bible will always be the primary mediator of God’s word in my life, but I’m excited to find new practices and I've seen the occasional glimpse of progress that begins to shine through the cracks of my past failures.