Everyone that I run into seems to know that we are beginning the process of adopting a child. The funny thing is that so many people seem to think it is a sad alternative to having a child the more conventional way. They always seem surprised when we tell them that we are adopting by choice not necessity. Somebody at church actually wanted to pray for Veronica because they assumed she couldn’t conceive. As far as I know we are plenty capable. My “boys” can swim just fine, but I guess we will never know for sure.

We have to go through a home study that includes a psychological evaluation, background check, and evaluation of our home and marriage. I had to write a brief biography including reasons why we are adopting. It is strange that so many people seemed to look down on me for not having children until now but nobody has ever once asked why. In fact some people have been downright hurtful. They always assumed I didn’t like kids or something even worse. I guess I should finally share why we waited and why we have chosen to adopt. I hope I don't flunk my evaluation, but here are my answers…

1. When we first got married we wanted kids soon. But if we had kids at that time, we would have done it for the wrong reasons. Several times in the last 16 years I have actually sat down and listed reasons why I should have a child and when I looked over the answers all the reasons were selfish and satisfied some kind of internal pride or maybe a need to create something that would love me without question. I wanted to wait until my decision to have a child would be a decision of sacrifice rather than a decision to fill some hole in my on life. I didn’t think I should do it until I felt like I was doing it without motives of self-gratification.

2. I have seen so many people have children without planning or they have them purely for selfish emotional reasons then end up with a big mess in their lives because they never really saw parenting as an act of service. I’m sure we could have done it the normal way with success and I know most of those people that stumbled on it by mistake also do a wonderful job, but this seems so much better for us.

3. I didn’t want to have children while I was still looking for my own way in life. It seemed to me that this would be the most important thing I will ever do and I owed it my kid(s) to do it when it made sense for them rather just looking for instant gratification. I also wanted Veronica to develop an identity outside of her family. So often women in our culture only develop identity through their spouse and their children because that is all they have ever known.

4. Adopting seems like a natural outcome of this idea of parenting as a service rather than looking for gratification. It seems more in line with the message of Jesus to deny my own desires and serve someone else’s needs. I feel like we are picking up where someone else couldn’t continue. We are not only serving a child but we are serving the parents that ran out of gas and couldn’t finish the journey.

5. Once we acknowledged that adoption was something we would consider, there was no way we could make a case for having natural children. It just seemed selfish to go back to the natural method. I couldn’t shake it. I felt that if God made us with the ability to make this sacrifice then we had no other choice. I think the human race will be fine if I don’t perpetuate my genes (maybe even better off!).

6. Adopting gives us an opportunity to make a small dent in the barriers that exist around race relations in our world. Our goal is to adopt a child from a different race.

7. I guess for me it is just another way to buck the system and refuse to live the way the world tells me I am suppose live. It is consistent with my life of challenging the conventional way of thinking. I’m an “out of the box” kind of person.

8. It is our small step of activism in a world where most people would prefer to tolerate the status quo. I’ll never be president or start a revolution, so this is about as monumental a step as I can take to make a difference. It may not seem that big to the rest of the world, but it is all I can do.

9. I feel like I have a completely different outlook on parenting because I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it as an outcome of my strong spiritual desire to change the world into the place described in the vision of Jesus.

10. Studying about how children around the world are mistreated gave my wife and I a strong desire to reach outside our cushy life style and bring a little bit of comfort to someone that seemed to be destined for a very hard life.

It probably seems crazy to most people that I would think about this decision in a very detached and logical way. I’m sure in the end emotions will take over, but I feel better knowing that underneath the emotion there is a logical framework for our decision. I don’t think this decision is right for everyone, but feel that it is definitely right for us.