Hollywood sucks!

I can't remember the last good movie that came out. I haven't paid full price for a movie since that Jar Jar Binks piece of crap. It is so bad now that I don't even feel good about going to the 2 dollar show anymore. The last time I did that was for the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I wanted to blow my brains out waiting for it to end (and then end again). Can anyone in Hollywood spell dialogue? You would think that nobody over the age of 13 buys movie tickets.

I've been on sort of a Woody Allen kick lately. This is my favorite quote from one of his movies...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

More Woody Allen quotes I found on-line...

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate rewards, whereas when you're dead it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

I am at two with nature.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work…I want to achieve it through not dying.

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

I do not believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Home for Christmas...

We spent Christmas Eve at my dad’s church seeing his last official service as a pastor. This is his 3rd retirement, but he says it is really his last one. He is a great leader, commands much respect, and has accomplished so much in his life planting new churches, resurrecting near dead churches, and helping to change lives by the dozens. Sometimes I wish I could say I had an abusive father or one that at least neglected me. That way I would have an excuse for issues I have in my life, but I can’t say those things. I imagine that if you drew up a perfect dad, my dad would be about as close as you could possibly achieve. The only complaint that I could possibly make is the fact that because he was both my father and my pastor for 21 years I have sort of a skewed sense of what a father and a pastor should be. There are things that you should be able to say to your father that you just can’t say to your pastor and vice versa. Consequently, I didn’t say much too him. I guess in hind sight I couldn’t really pursue either relationship fully because I could not separate the two. I’ll never know what it feels like to have a beer with your dad and just talk I just could never cross that line. I did hear my dad curse once. We lived on a farm and he told me to “clean up that cow shit”. I’m not sure you can really call it a curse word if it is actually real shit that you are talking about, but that is as close as he ever came to “sinning” in front of me.

I’ve read many books about theology since I left home and I’ve been to many different types of churches. I’ve probably been subconsciously trying all this time to disprove the theology that my dad taught me in some sort of need for rebellion and individualism. I’ve never had a good opportunity to discuss with him how different I viewed the bible now and how I think some of the things he taught me might have been wrong. It isn’t an easy subject to bring up, but armed with a few more theological books under my belt and a new zest for debate I thought maybe I would get my chance. After my dad’s last official sermon my whole family was back home sitting around the table eating and my sister began talking about how one of her friends wouldn’t go to a particular church because it was the wrong “type” of church and her friend didn’t think those people were "really Christians". A small discussion about problems in the church broke out and I thought this could be my chance. I thought maybe my dad would interject something from his old “out-of-date” theology that I might disagree with and I could finally get a little satisfaction in my need for religious rebellion or maybe I would even be able to respond with something I had read by a modern theologian that had figured things out long since my dad attended seminary over 50 years ago. About that time my dad answered the way he always does, by saying so much without really saying that much at all and he left me with only one possible response...

dad said... “Well, when we get all the people in the world going to church then we can work on fixing the church, but until then we should just try to get them all into a church.”

My response..."Shit!”

Spiritual Crushes…

I had more than my fair share of crushes in high school. When you have a crush on someone you become fixated on the person at various levels of intensity and the object of your crush becomes larger than life. They can do no wrong, they seem much more beautiful than they really are, and they find their way into your entire life even creeping into your thoughts and dreams. Even though my crushes faded (some faster than others) and even though they had varying degrees of intensity, they all had the same basic effects and seemed to somehow override my normal sense of perception.

My wife will verify that I am a very critical person. I’m very perceptive when it comes to finding flaws in others to the point that it can become a roadblock for my relationships. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and I think I let that fascination go a bit to far at times by picking people apart and finding their flaws. Their flaws seem to stick out like a sore thumb and I often can’t have a conversation with some people without seeing their sins written across their face. I say all that because every so often I meet someone special and I am able to overlook his or her flaws. I can still see the flaws and often they are pretty ugly flaws, but for these people the flaws don’t seem to rub me the wrong way. Instead, I see their flaws more like “added character” the way you would appreciate a singer that has a quirky unpolished voice that becomes their trademark like Neil Young or Kurt Cobain. The more quirky their personality the more I seem to be drawn to them. It is almost like I have a “non-sexual” or “spiritual” crush on them that allows me see past their flaws and brings out their inner beauty. I’m sure this must have been the way Jesus felt about the people he met. He didn’t go around looking for people that he could click with, but instead as he met people he looked inside them deeper and deeper until he found something he liked.

I never realized this until we were having dinner with another couple recently and as I was listening to them talk I thought to myself that I didn’t agree with some things they said but somehow it really didn’t bother me. They even said things about politics and theology that would normally send me spinning out of control, but I just sat there hanging on every word and wanting nothing more than to please them and thinking of an excuse to somehow see them again. It really felt good to be around them. When I got home and began thinking about this I realized that there had been dozens of people during my life that had somehow snuck under my critical radar to touch my life. As a matter of fact, the people that have affected my life the most are people that for all practical purposes I should not have even liked. My critical flaw detector must have a critical flaw because some of these people should have never been allowed pass the baggage claim area. I soon realized there was no rational explanation for this phenomenon and it must have been God at work in my life. God was definitely overriding my security system. He was periodically sending an assassin past customs, through security checks and right into the cockpit of my life with their baggage in hand.

Now I wonder if this is something I can control and if I should be letting more people underneath the radar and maybe I should totally disable my emotional security system. Would it be possible to will a spiritual crush on every relationship I have? Or is this just something that will continue to happen once or twice a year as God sees fit. In my journey to become more like Christ will I begin to have a crush on everyone I meet?

Christmas is out of control... I quit

I'm not going to go around getting a bunch of people cheesy $20 gifts that they really won't like and I don't want anyone to get me a gift either. From now on I am going to pool all the money I would spend on Christmas and get two or three families something really substantial that can actually effect their life a bit. So if you were looking for a gift from me this year, just realize that it went to a better cause.

The golden rule doesn’t work

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

I’ve been doing that all my life and it doesn’t work. The problem is that other people don’t want to be treated the way I would want them to treat me. Can you imagine how pissed my wife would be if I treated her the way I wanted her to treat me? I like to be left alone and want conversations kept to the bear essentials. I also like to be told when I make a mistake so that I can fix it next time.

Here is a great example...

Unfortunately I didn’t learn good eating habits growing up. High blood-pressure, diabeties, heart conditions, etc. are all problems for our family and I now see these things as potential realities in my own life. I’ve given my wife authority to hold me accountable in this area of my life but unfortunately she has not been very helpful. She is a horrible coach. She is too kind and considerate and never pushes me. I’ve tried for years to get her to ride my ass about it and provide some motivation, but it is difficult for her since it is not how she would want to be treated. She just can't bring her self to say the words "no pain...no gain". She on the other hand has great self-descipline and doesn’t need or want a coach. She is a vegetarian, can easily stop half way through a plate of food, drinks carrot juice for breakfast and to make matters worse she even reads even her bible every night (DAMMIT!). Recently she had a breakthrough. I’m not sure if she finally realized that she could criticize me without hurting my feelings or if maybe it was because we mistakenly left the lights on while making love and the sad reality of my growing love handles finally sank in or maybe she found out I was at risk for diabeties and had to start measuring my blood sugar levels with one of those little finger pricking machines. Whatever the case, she somehow realized she might want to help. She actually raised her voice the other day and gave me her best Knute Rockne speech while she ripped a bag of chips out of my hands. It was great! I finally felt like she cared about me and I think she actually enjoyed it once she knew I appreciated her efforts!

It was a breakthrough moment for me as I realized that I should NOT be treating people the way I wanted them to treat me. I can think of dozens of encounters in my past with friends that didn't seem to work out right even though I had the best intentions. There have been times that I tried to motivate people that didn't want to be motivated, times that I left someone alone when they probably wanted to talk, and times that I tried to offer solutions to someone that didn't think there was even a problem. It is just not as simple as this Bible verse makes it seem. I guess I actually have to dig a little deeper and find out what people really want.

Sunday again...

I really envy people who are comfortable in public places like churches or at concerts. My closest friends are these types of people. They can have a conversation with anyone or feel perfectly comfortable in a large crowd of complete strangers. I think I am drawn to people like that because I hope maybe it will rub off on me. I, on the other hand, feel like my life is one long continuous awkward pause in the conversation.

The thing I enjoy the most about the Vineyard church is that it places priority on small groups. I've never found a church where I was comfortable during a "service" and this one is no different, but at least they seem to understand what is important and cut me some slack if I can't always find the courage to play the Sunday "church game" every week.

Does sport like art, imitate life?

Scene 1…
A very tall very rich black man enters the opponent’s home court, sprawls across the scoring table thinking about which new car to buy, how to decorate his million dollar bachelor pad, and which lovely young ladies to take back to said bachelor pad after the game. Short jealous working class white guy whose girlfriend just broke up with him throws a beverage at very tall rich black man. Very tall rich black man goes into the stands and starts punching all the short white guys he can find with cups in their hands in the name of “self-defense” hoping to hit the right one during the process.

Scene 2…
Very rich white guys with very lavish homes and very tall office buildings spend a century boasting of their wealth and mocking the lives of less fortunate people around the world. Very poor jealous middle-eastern guys blow up building in the rich guys back yards. Rich white guys go into the middle-east and start blowing up all the short middle-eastern guy’s homes in the name of “self-defense” hoping to get the right one.

Since when did self-defense become pride-defense?

Thank God we have politicians and athletes set good examples for our children. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if we created an entire generation of kids that didn’t know the importance of fighting for pride and respect.

Blue Like Jazz

I just finished reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller (thanks for the recommendation Pete!). He is really honest in what he says and how he says it. A very simple style of writing with just the right number of words while still conveying some depth of thought.

Reading about his life adventures made me remember how it felt to be in college or atleast in my early twenties. It made me long for a life without responsibility. Being single or living in the woods with a bunch of hippies. Sometimes I wish I hadn't grown up so fast. It is a really nice time when you first begin to realize your freedom and think about life on a larger scale. You want to change the world and you actually think that you might be able to do it. I had a friend not too long ago that also made me feel that way when I talked to him. He gave me a renewed sence of youth. He was just finishing school and came to work for our company as a graphic designer. He still had an idealistic view of the world. I think everybody is a liberal when they are in school. You haven't paid taxes yet or experienced the "real world" yet, and the influence of your teachers is still fresh in your mind. You get to be mad about injustice but don't have to actully think about the reality of trying to fix it. Don't get me wrong, I still want to save the environment and feed the poor, but eventually you figure out that you don't want the goverment to do those things for you. It's easy to be generous with someone else's resources. The essense of "tax and spend" liberalism or this new "borrow and spend" conservatism is all about getting other people to pay for your own causes.

anyway, back to the book... For a few hours I got to forget about reality and go back in time to the mind of a student. Don Miller has some great insight on community and what it means to love one another. Not that he said anything new, but he really gave me a fresh perspective. I've been without a close group of friends for well over a year now and this book made it in my life at just the right time. I've made some really great new friends in the last few months and I'm getting back into church again. I think this book will effect the relationships I am forming and help me avoid the same traps. It is good to start over occasionally. I feel like I have a fresh start with some really great people that God has placed in my life. Let's see how long it takes for me to screw it up this time.

Busy at work

My largest client decided that they needed 3 man months of work done in december. The next day several other clients decided they needed work done by Jan 1st also. Let the overtime begin! We were going to go to an exotic island for Christmas. Those plans have been cancelled. And to think that 2 years ago I was asking God to save our business because we didn't have enough work. I guess God's blessings don't come with a throttle.

When I left my job with a large Corporation to work for a small consulting company 9 years ago I had dreams of a stimulating work environment where passionate hard working people could learn, grow, freely express and support their faith, and be properly rewarded for their efforts. There have been a few bumps in the road. A down turn in the economy nearly blew the whole idea up a few years ago. Ungrateful, immature employees made it difficult too. It really hurts when people you are trying to help can't see what you are sacrificing for them and the opportunity you are giving them.

In the end, I'm not one of those people that says they love what they do. I work to support my life. I definately don't live for my work. But I really do enjoy the people that I work with now. I have grown so much since taking over the responsibilities of running a business. I've learned a ton about myself and my partners. I like most of what I've learned and I'm learning how to fix the things I don't like. No matter what happens next, this experience has been worth it.

Political stretch

I’ve been thinking about the polarization of our nation. I believe one of the biggest factors in the growing hatred of left v. right is the simple fact that people on both sides refuse to ever soak in any information from the other side. I know people that only watch FOX for news, listen only to Rush Limbaugh for political commentary, and only discuss politics with their conservative fundamentalist friends. I have friends on the left that do the same thing on the other side. Being a libertarian, I’m usually stuck arguing with both of them but they are all so brainwashed that you just can’t get them to think out of the box.

We can fix this by stretching ourselves a bit. I'll do my part....

Earlier this year I made a commitment to read some books that were outside my view point and give them a good listen. Not to try and change my view, but to try and understand what makes them tick. I realized that I respected a few people on both ends of the political spectrum and I wondered why they could have views that seemed so irrational to me. Since I originally came from the “right” before I completely left both camps, I decided to start my journey by reading some things further on the “left”.

I read a book by a guy that was pretty far from my background in politics but had made some of the same changes in Theology. He is liberal seminary professor and former Methodist pastor from Georgia that now lives in the northeast. His name is Kenneth Cauthen and the book is “I Don’t Care What The Bible Says”. I’ve also since read one of his books about theology and that process helped me understand why I never felt comfortable in a theological fundamental church growing up. This book however is more of a journey through his life as he migrated away from the south and its political and social views. I thought I would try seeing how an intelligent person could actual call himself a liberal. The book really helped me understand how he wound up on the far left in spite of being from the south and being a Christian. The title of the book is a little scary at first, but it is not at all what it seems. Here is the story of the title…

Being a pastor in Georgia in the early 60’s he got fired for preaching about racial equality. During the committee meeting where they were discussing the issue, Cauthen tried to explain how the bible supported racial equality and how God would not endorse segregation. One of the deacons stood up and said “I don’t care what the Bible says; we are not going to permit the integration of races in our schools”.

The book it is an interesting view of the south and I can identify with the struggle between his love of barbeque and disgust of racism. The book didn’t reveal any facts that I didn’t already know, but it let me into his head and heart for a moment. I can see how he ended up leaving the south. We always assume that when someone claims to be democrat or a republican that they mean they love 100% of that party’s platform. That is obviously not true and we should try to understand more deeply what aspects of the platform lead them to cast that vote or make that stance.

For me, there is too much wrong with both of our nations 2 main parties. I can no longer support either. But I've learned my lesson now and I will now do my part to seek to find the good in both.